You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
