u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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