K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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