hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
