I faked an abortion last night.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
