your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
In America we eat man semen.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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