so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
