Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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