I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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