It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
