im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
