No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
