If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
