was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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