I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
