I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
