I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
