We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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