you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
