I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I will pee on everything he values.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
