i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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