the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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