I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
