dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
