Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
