i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
