I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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