If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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