Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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