i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
