i permit you to call me
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
