he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
