Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
