I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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