By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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