Your face is a jimmy john
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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