all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
