Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
