Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
