yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
