To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
someone get that fucking seahorse.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
