I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
