She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
