genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
