dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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