The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
