I think I died a long time ago.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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