sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
