i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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