Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Can i not drive my cunt home
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
