i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
